Remember That Words Are Powerful
Language is the most important thing in a relationship. The language you use in an argument or when you are frustrated with your partner is extremely important. And this can be difficult, especially when emotions are high. However, the difference between switching a You for an I can make your partner feel less like you are blaming them for something which will make them defensive, and more like they need to listen to you because there is something that is bothering you. For example, You never listen to me. Versus, I feel like I am not being listened to.Mike, married 3 years
Advice For Newlyweds: 20 Tips From Married People
Voices of Experience on The Wedding
Generally, the first couple years of marriage are the hardest for most couples. Don’t assume because you are deeply in love that your problems will just go away!
Here’s advice on having a wedding, being together, and communicating from those who walked down the aisle years ago. Top advice for newlyweds from couples who have been there include the following tips:
- Be flexible about your wedding plans
- Let yourself relax and enjoy your wedding day
- Be your own authentic self and let your partner be their true self
- Don’t ask for marriage advice from someone who dislikes your partner
- Be understanding and show compassion
- Don’t use threats of divorce as a way to get what you want
- Make time for activities as a couple
- Don’t focus on past regrets
- Show your partner that you love them
Ask For Space When You Need It
I think many couples are afraid to say, Hey, I need some time alone, away from you. They worry that their partner will take it personally, and so they avoid the conversation completely. Early in our courtship, we were very clear with each other about the fact that we wouldnt survive marriage if we couldnt each have our own space. So, were not shy with each other when we need a breather. Sometimes its just a few hours with a good book. Other times, one of us wants to get a coffee and run errands on a Saturday. The key is being respectful about the request, considering any commitments you might have, and using that time to recharge yourself for the betterment of the relationship. Curt, 64, South Carolina
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Arguing Really Is Healthy
Weve likely all heard that arguments can be a good thing in a relationship, but how do you ensure they stay productive? Healthy disagreements are part of a growing and evolving marriage as long as you do so fairly, agrees Facio. Lucky for us, she breaks down exactly how: Nothing gets an argument heated like a partner who feels unseen/unheard. means sticking to I statements , acknowledging and reflecting what before you share your views/opinions, and slowing your roll on the interrupting.
Healthy disagreements are part of a growing and evolving marriage.
Journal And Share Memories
As newlyweds, you have great memories from dating and your first year of marriage. So, at dinner, before bed, while working out together, and whenever youre reminded of them, reminisce.
One way we capture and share our memories together is through GoPro video. We document all of our travels on our YouTube Channel, and each year we make a best of video for our Anniversary.
You can learn about documenting your adventures with our free guide on how to make GoPro videos.
Duoable:
Our best marriage advice for newlyweds is to write nightly in the Q& A a Day: 3 Year Journal for 2 People. We love this journal. Its an amazing way to connect before bed and it becomes highly entertaining in year two when you can look back on past entries.
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Deal With Your Own Family
Whether your family meddles or keeps to themselves, theres always the chance that theyll ruffle your spouses feathers. When this happens, take it upon yourself to talk to your family and, if necessary, ask them to apologize to your partner. This takes a huge burden off of your spouse while keeping the family unit whole.
If You Don’t Have Alcohol It’s Not A Real Wedding
People love to make jokes about how weddings are only fun if they have open bars, but we know just how hurtful that narrative can be if an open bar doesn’t fit in your budget, or if you don’t want to serve alcohol at your wedding.
Our advice: Remember the golden rule: You don’t need alcohol to have fun, and you shouldn’t feel pressured to serve something you don’t want to. Whether you have an open bar, a cash bar, or no bar at all, your guests are there to celebrate you, and they’ll have a great time no matter what.
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Remember That Marriage Isn’t 50/50 Divorce Is 50/50
But then there are times where one person just can’t give you anything at all because they are focused on keeping themselves together and that’s alright.
Support in a marriage is not a nice 50/50 split. Some days you are giving your all while your spouse is giving nothing and other days you are taking, offering nothing. This happens mostly while grieving. bt after it all, you are back to 100/100 working as a team.
Make Sure You’ll Be Able To Fit Into Your Wedding Dress
Dare we say this might be the worst wedding advice of all time? Comments about physical appearance can come in many forms, but no matter how it’s delivered, this is one you have every right to ignore.
Our advice: The “shedding for the wedding” mentality isn’t just unnecessaryâit’s downright harmful. There’s absolutely no need to lose weight or change your physical appearance for your wedding, so don’t succumb to pressure you may feel from other people or societal expectations. While we are all about prioritizing your mental wellness leading up to the big day, take it from us: You do not need to “fit” into anything. You’re beautiful as you are!
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Dont Try To Change Your Spouse
I think one of the most important things to remember when you first get married is that you cant change the other person. Once you realize that, its freeing. I think you can give your opinions freely but know that your partner is who they are and you married them for that. You can hope that someday theyll change but dont make it your goal to change them. But aside from that, my favorite words to a successful marriage are honesty, respect, and selflessness. Grace, married 12 years
Be Honest About Your Expectations For Marriage
Talk about what you dont want. When we first started dating, my now husband and I focused on what we didnt want: all the ways we didnt want to speak to each other, we didnt want to go to bed angry, we didnt want to put down each others ideas. At the start especially, we just lived by our own self imposed rules. By doing so it allowed us to evolve and put our energy into growing into the couple we wanted to be. A decade later and 40+ countries traveled together, we are so glad we did that. Tiffany, married 11 years
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Dont Put Each Other Down
When you put your spouse down, you discourage them instead of encouraging them. In a marriage, its essential to lift your spouse up and always let them know what a fantastic person you think they are.
Constant belittling can be fatal to your marriage and your relationship. Making your spouse feel as if they are not enough will cause insecurities and diminish trust, which is toxic.
Make your concern concentrating on the beautiful things they do and remember why you are married to them. Nobody is perfect, and it is essential to remember.
Invite Your Entire Family And Don’t Leave Anyone Out
Family politics and weddings go hand in hand, which means you might have a parent or a future in-law urging you to invite that second cousin you haven’t spoken to in fifteen years because it’s the “right” thing to do.
Our advice: This situation can be tricky, especially if your family members are contributing financially. According to traditional etiquette, anyone who’s helping pay for the wedding generally gets a say in the guest list. With that in mind, it’s equally important for you and your S.O. to have the final say in who gets an inviteâit is your big day, after all. For our expert advice on how to handle common guest list pitfalls, check out our guide here.
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Give One Another The Benefit Of The Doubt
Its been about six months since our wedding and boy, what a ride! While its early in our marriage, this journey has already taught me so much. Wedding planning can be a stressful, tumultuous time and just when youre through to the other side comes adjustment to the marriage itself. Its been a time of growth and happiness and my best marriage advice so far is: give each other the benefit of the doubt.
Remember, in the midst of silly arguments and tough days, that you are both on the same team. Bearing in mind that neither of you is intentionally hurting the other, that continuously improving your communication skills is key, will help set the foundation for increasing trust and love. Nausheen, married 6 months
Make Time To Connect Daily
It can be easy to neglect your relationship when life gets busy, stressful or when kids are added to the mix. For this reason it is so important to make time to connect as a couple, even when youre tired or busy. If this is becoming a struggle, dont hesitate to schedule time in as part of every day when you are spending quality time together. It could be as simple as having breakfast together each morning or an after-dinner chat to reflect on your day. Communication is going to keep you feeling connected as a couple and supporting one another. -Holly,
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Advice For The Wedding Couple
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What Is A Newlywed Tip Jar
At a wedding, a newlywed tip jar is a unique and simple way to offer advice to the newly married couple. Guests can write their advice on a slip of paper or a piece of cardstock and place it in the jar for the newlyweds to enjoy after the big day. Clever prompts can help guests give advice for a certain topic, while blank slips encourage your friends and family to get creative!
Read Also: How To Create Your Own Wedding Invitation Template
Stop Obsessing Over Who Wins
The compulsive need to be right can be incredibly destructive in a relationship, with spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle describing it almost as a form of violence. The need creates fear and resentment between couples and will eventually wear the relationship down over time. When couples respect each other, they can accept not being right in favor of maintaining a healthy balance.
Successful couples know how to choose their battles knowing that closeness means more than being right at times, Gagliano says.
Give Each Other Space Even When Traveling
Travel together. Its like an extreme form of marriage because youre together 24/7, and it promotes bonding at an accelerated pace. Thats the beauty of honeymoons. It can also bring up differences at a great rate, so as long as you work at it you can learn how to solve a lot of problems quickly that might come up in the future. Just remember that compromise is the key.
If you want to see ALL the sights and your partner wants to do nothing but sit in a cafe, see fewer sights but at a greater depth and make sure you take breaks between each one. Travel is a great romance builder so use this time to foster affection. Make an effort to go for a few lazy dinners with low lights and wine. Hold hands when you see the Eiffel Tower, and appreciate the fact that the experience is magnified because youre sharing it with someone special. That said, dont be afraid to give each other space a little breathing room in any marriage can go a long way. Carol, married 5 years
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Give Yourself Permission To Lean On Your Partner
Of course you can take care of yourself, but one of the nice things about being married is that you dont have to shoulder life all on your own. Let your spouse take care of you once in a while. Women I met in Holland emphasized the importance of this. They were fiercely independent in their aspirations of achieving their creative goals and traveling the world alone, but they also didnt think twice about working part-time after having kids and letting their husbands take on the financial heavy lifting for awhile.
Dont Sweat The Small Stuff
One great piece of marriage advice for newlyweds is not to sweat the small stuff.
If your wife has a growing pile of coffee cups next to her desk or your husband leaves his sweaty gym bag in the hallway each morning, and its making you crazy, ask yourself this: Will it matter tomorrow?
The answer is probably No, so why fight about something that, while annoying at the moment, doesnt make a whole lot of difference in either of your lives?
Pro-tip: Do you feel that you are the perfect partner who doesnt fight too much?
Well, take this fun quiz and know the truth!
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Seek Advice From Happily Married Couples
When your marriage isnt going well, dont turn your single or divorced friends for advice. These people are not in your situation and could give you the wrong direction.
There may be a reason they are divorced or single, and you cant trust that they will steer you in the right direction. They may advise you based on how they feel and their current situation, which could prove a considerable disadvantage to you.
You can still hang out with your divorced/single friends just think twice before seeking council.
Never Talk Badly About Your Spouse To Other People Or Vent About Them Online
If you have an issue with your spouse, you handle it with them. You don’t go vent to your best friend or your “Finsta” account.
You work it out with them and them alone . But when it comes to venting to your friends, it’s not a good idea. Don’t even do it with family members!
You should protect your spouse at all times and in all places. This is respecting them.
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Learn From Other People But Don’t Try To Be Them
It’s important to realize that you can take relationship advice from other couples but when it comes to your marriage, it will never be like anyone else’s because it is yours.
Each marriage is made up of two completely different people than those who make up another marriage. therefore, no marriage should or can be comparable.
There’s no need to compare your life or your marriage to anyone else’s.
Get To Know Each Other
The chances are that if you just got married, you already know each other rather well. Theres always more to learn, though.
The newlywed period is an excellent time for long walks or lazy Sunday afternoons relaxing together and talking about anything and everything.
Get to know each other even better so you understand what the other needs, what they dream of, and where you fit into that.
Pro-tip: Do you think you and your partner know each other well?
Take this fun quiz and find out now!
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The Quality Of Your Sex Life Is What Counts
For anyone whos ever Googled how much sex they should be having in their relationship, its time to release yourself from arbitrary math equations! Long gone are the days if you are having sex with your partner X amount of times a week, your marriage is solid or on the rocks, says Facio. Completely false. She goes on to add, If healthy intimacy is happening half the time in your relationship, i.e. cuddling, flirting, playing, sharing, supporting, challenging, exploring and sexthen you are better off than half the couples on the planet.
