Etiquette For Canceling Your Wedding
Letting Guests Know & Explaining Cancellation
- Just like if you are postponing your wedding date and formal announcements have been made you should send out a printed card. We understand this is a very difficult time, but being proactive and honest will help in the long run.
- Example from Weddings Expert, Nina Callaway:
- Mr. and Mrs. Jeffery ScottAnnounce that the marriage of their daughterAnne ScottKamau ThomasWill not take place as scheduled.
Notify Vendors & Venue
Dont Forget to Cancel Your Honeymoon
What About Canceling My Dream Dress?
How to Proceed With Gifts
Shes Paranoid About Your Bachelor Party
Maybe she put the kibosh on strippers, so youre worried that this is a signa foreshadowingof future jealousy, distrust, and overall uncoolness. Let it go. Millions of sane, good-humored, rational girls become insane, ill-humored, and irrational when it comes to the bachelor party. Not ideal, not a deal-breaker.
Some Vendors Are More Likely To Give You Money Back Than Others
Cancellation policies will vary from vendor to vendor, but Josh Spiegel, the creative director of Birch Event Design, said that some vendors are more likely to give you money back than others.
“It will, of course, depend on how far in advance the couple cancels, but on top of the list would be music, photography, and florist,” Spiegel said.
“Contracts with vendors generally say that all deposits are non-refundable, however, reputable vendors should show good faith and work to return any recoverable amounts to the client,” he added.
But even in those cases, couples will lose some money.
“In most cases, couples are going to lose any kind of non-refundable deposit,” Weinberg said.
“But where they might save money is with vendors whose final payments aren’t due until the day of or closer to the wedding and whose performance of services doesn’t happen until the wedding day, like photographers, DJs, hair and makeup, etc.,” she added.
Also Check: How To Plan A Really Cheap Wedding
Plan How To Mourn With Your Loved Ones
One of the hardest parts of losing someone close is that you’re not the only one who lost them. You’ll inevitably have to deal with organizing some aspects of the funeral, memorial, or service, as well as the understandable grief of others. Do what you can and ask for time and patience when necessary.
Do you have any advice for someone left behind after the untimely death of their partner? Lend us your thoughts.
Embrace Your Romantic Grief
Romantic grief is different from what we traditionally think of as grief, but it’s still grief. So often, after a breakup, separation, or divorce, I hear people say that they feel like someone died. And although no one has died, your relationship as an entity has ended and thus “died” in its own way.
After my broken engagement, I read a couple of books on grief that I found extremely helpful. At the time, I thought it might seem a bit extreme or odd to others. But I now understand that this was a natural and logical feeling since grief is the natural human expression of loss.
However, in our death-phobic culture, most people have not learned about grief or how to grieve. So if you haven’t dealt with much loss in your life, you may find it helpful to learn more about coping with grief.
And above all, know that your feelings of loss are real and natural allow yourself to mourn and let your grief heal you.
Recommended Reading: What To Wear To A Tropical Wedding
Motive For Canceling Or Delaying The Wedding
The motive for canceling or delaying the wedding might be due to a joint decision, or one individuals change of heart, sickness or the loss of employment.
When the decision about the cancellation becomes final, it is customary to write a wedding cancellation letter as soon as possible.
This letter should be mailed to anyone that was sent a wedding invitation. Most guests are already preparing themselves for the big day and could be purchasing airline tickets or re-arranging their schedules to accommodate this big day.
Those in the wedding party may be purchasing formal wear and spending money on their attire, which is usually no small cost.
One letter can be addressed to all, there is really on need to hand write or to specially write a letter to each individual.
Phone calls can follow up the letters to those who might have had a major role in the actual wedding itself. The main reason for writing the letter is to sincerely apologize for the inconvenience.
Let The Couple Know As Soon As You Can
First things first if you cannot attend, you need to let the couple know ASAP. Sooner is always better, especially because an accurate headcount is needed for items such as wedding rentals and food and beverage. Note that couples typically need to give a final guest count to the caterer a week or so before the nuptials, so if you back out at the last minute, theyll likely have to pay for your plate anyway.
As soon as you find out you have a conflict and it better be a legitimate one! contact the couple personally and apologize, giving a brief reason without going into too much detail, etiquette expert Diane Gottsman, author of Modern Etiquette for a Better Life and founder of The Protocol School of Texas, told HuffPost. I am so sorry I have to rescind my RSVP to your wedding. I have a work obligation that I cannot get out of that was not on my calendar when I responded with a yes.
Generally, its best to call the couple to let them know you wont be able to attend after all. However, if something arises the day before or the day of the wedding, the couple will be preoccupied so theyre probably not checking their phone or email. On such short notice, let someone close to the bride and/or groom know instead.
Read Also: How To Plan A Wedding Under 5000
Contact Your Event Insurance Company
Event insurance isnt only important for your clients, its important for your business. Some event vendors simply wont offer refunds, no matter the circumstances. If you recommended an event vendor who never issues refunds, your client may come back to you to recoup some of their lost money. Or worse yet, they could come back to you upset and not recommend you since you werent able to help them out in their time of need.
Thank you to Markel Insurance for sponsoring this informative post about the tasks to be completed when a couple cancels or postpones their wedding.
Venue Or Vendor Trouble
Perhaps the venue accidentally booked two weddings on one day or maybe the caterer or band you simply must have isnt available as promised. Although unfortunate, these mix-ups happen from time to time.
If your wedding is less than 2 months away, take a deep breath and start making phone calls. If youre more than two months out you could send a change the date card. Add custom text that says something along the lines of, due to unforeseen issues with our venue, we will be postponing the wedding until further notice. Thank you for understanding!
Read Also: Mills Fleet Farm Bridal Registry
Try Using Credit Or Debit Card Refund Services
Which route you go down here depends on whether you paid your fees by debit or credit card. If you paid using a bank transfer, these routes aren’t open to you, so skip to the next section.
If you paid on a debit card, try a chargeback
There’s valuable hidden protection on Visa, Mastercard and Amex credit cards, as well as debit and charge cards. It’s called ‘chargeback’ and means if you don’t receive the goods you bought, or a service wasn’t provided, you may be able to get your money back.
In chargeback, your bank asks for money back from the supplier’s bank, which will then try to reclaim it from the supplier itself in this case, it could be the caterer or the band or DJ. However, the supplier will also get the chance to provide evidence to disprove the chargeback. For example, if your contract says no refunds will be provided in the event of cancellation, this would be evidence the supplier could present to get the chargeback reversed.
If the supplier has acted at all times in accordance with the contract you signed, then it’s unlikely your bank or card company will be able to help it’s not there to judge whether a contract is fair or not .
If you paid by credit card, you can try a Section 75 claim
For full information on how to do a claim, see our Section 75 guide.
Over to Martin…
Remember It’s Not Canceling It’s Recalling The Invitations
I actually think this is eminently classier than weeping “IT’S ALL GONE HORRIBLY WRONG” in a group email. One never says the wedding is dunzo because of drug problems/infidelity/a bizarre fetish involving giraffes one simplyrecalls the invitations. Or rather, one’s mother does â if you’re the bride, your parents will of course have sent out invitations inviting people to your nuptials, so they have to ask for them all back. Sorry, mom.
The realities of this aren’t fleshed out, though. Are guests expected to literally mail the invites back? Or are they expected to keep them? Give them to the butler to dispose of? Destroy them in the nearest polite and etiquette-approved small fire?
Read Also: How To Pawn A Wedding Ring
What To Do If You Rsvp’d ‘yes’ To A Wedding But Then Can’t Attend
So you RSVPd yes to a wedding only to realize crap that you actually wont be able to attend. Maybe theres been a death in the family, or youre really sick, or your daughter just went into labor or you just started a new job and now your boss wont let you take time off.
Whatever the case may be, you probably feel bad for canceling, but alas, life happens.
We asked etiquette experts how best to deliver the news while minimizing inconvenience and without coming off like a jerk.
Be Patient With Yourself Because Canceling A Wedding Is An Emotional Thing To Do
“Weddings are such a complicated mix of emotions, stress, anxiety, and joy already, so imagine what feelings will arise if the wedding ends up not happening,” Weinberg said.
“If a wedding is canceled due to change of heart, that’s an excruciating decision for both partners. And if a wedding is canceled due to force majeure, that’s going to be devastating to the couple who has potentially been planning this event for over a year.”
“Couples have every right to feel the disappointment and sadness if their wedding gets canceled,” she added.
“Those around them should let them grieve essentially and allow the couple to sit in their feelings for a little while.”
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Request All Refundable Deposits Or Credits
Some vendors will refund deposits for your clients or apply deposits to a later date if they are available on the newly chosen wedding date. However, with many vendors being small business owners, recouping any financial loss will be extremely important and event professionals may not be able to offer any refunds. If your couple is rescheduling their wedding beyond the next 6-9 months, a vendor may charge an additional fee to cover the extra time they will be working with the couple.
Ask wedding professionals to allow couples to use the deposit as a credit towards a future service or towards a future wedding date. Even if the wedding is canceled, perhaps the caterer could allow credit for catering a future event or the photographer could give the couple a credit to schedule a future family photo session.
As an event planner, your wedding planning services contract will dictate whether you charge an additional fee if a client postpones or reschedules their wedding. It will also dictate what happens to past and future payments to you if they cancel the wedding or event.
How Do I Cancel My Wedding And How Do I Tell My Friends And Family
Im not 100 per cent sure yet, but I suspect my fiance and I wont be getting married later this year. Im starting to suffer from some serious nerves and, frankly, I think I was mistaken in saying yes as quickly as I did. But how do I go about cancelling my wedding? And how am I going to tell my friends and family?
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Be Open To Changing The Dates To A Later Date
Depending on where and when your destination wedding is set to take place, it might be wise to connect with your venue and vendors about switching the date. If it’s possible to delay the date of the wedding, consider that option, says Danielle Rothweiler of Rothweiler Event Design in Verona, New Jersey. Remember, this will affect more than just you, including your wedding guests.
Should I Cancel Or Postpone
This is for the couples who want the wedding they were planning, or at least they want some kind of get-together with their loved ones eventually.
Maybe youd planned a 2020 wedding and then a global pandemic shut down your venue should you get married in a smaller ceremony, or should you postpone and enjoy your original wedding plans at a later date?
Well, there is actually a third option weve found to be the best option for most couples get married in a small elopement ceremony, and plan to celebrate with loved ones at a reception in a year or two! While it might seem easier to just throw in the towel and cancel altogether, we are huge proponents of postponement and rescheduling patience and some creativity can save a lot of money and disappointment! Especially if youve put down some non-refundable deposits, you might want to consider this.
If you cant imagine getting married without your loved ones present, you can invite a small group to an outdoor elopement. At Adventure Instead we photograph elopements with up to 25 people you can still enjoy any wedding traditions that matter to you at an elopement! You can walk down the aisle, wear white, toast to the future, and share the moment with your closest friends.
Also Check: How To Pawn A Wedding Ring